Dear Slice: Frankie's Aussie Diaries - Im seeing Jarvis Cocker in December

A week of learning has passed me by:

1. The best thing to do if you're tired and you have to write an essay is to make yourself cold. Open the windows and don't put on a sweater. You will stay alert. Trust me.

Also, in terms of snacking eat vegetables like carrots. The loud sound they make when you take a bite, makes you feel like you have company.

2. 21 year old's are better at sex.

A friend was telling me about this guy she'd been hanging around. He's one of those people that silences can be comfortable with -gosh that sounded disastrously O.C. of me - but if you're having a conversation with her, its easy for her to be bored. In fact she gets bored by most people. I was talking to her about it the other day and she told me that after a while she just stops listening and thinks about other things. She says she cringes a lot. Anyway,the point is it's hard to keep her interested... but if you're genuine then you're fine.

She was pretty much waiting to be impressed in conversation by this guy, Tom, who has a different strategy. He has focused on the silences and their ease and comfort has made her keen. Anyway back to the basic idea - this kid is pretty lame like in terms of physicality, but she was telling me in a matter of three days he has become one of the best. What we are talking about here is not so much the crude images, but the idea that you 'mature' with age is just wrong.

That's enough about that.

3. I overheard this at a bar on Friday night:

Blonde 18 year old male: I am worried that i'm just not pleasing her. I mean, it's possible for me one day to please a girl, isn't it? It must be possible, mustn't it?
Red headed friend: Yeah man for sure. I guess things take time. Don't over-think it. Just let it flow. (Some other things were muttered here, but to me , they sounded more like the release of bodily gases rather than words)
Blonde 18 year old male: Oh is that what you're suppose to do.

4. Natalie Portman has no earlobes.

5. It can be difficult to find the right friend to help you out in purchasing a pregnancy test.
Here we've learnt the positives of having female friends. Perhaps one may need to rethink points raised in earlier rants.

6. The series 'Privileged' is shite. If another series emerges which is about those in 'high society', I swear to God I'll pull my fingernails up from my hands. No one gives a shite about these rich kids or their parents and if you do, you are probably one of those people that I'd avoid if I saw you walking down the street. If you like those series, you probably fit into the category of speaking really loudly on your mobile when you walk down the street and you're alone. It's such an obvious example of a douche.

7. Words to avoid for general usage:
-celebs
-funky
-groovy
-trippy
-fail
however the word tubular should be used more often.

8. I've learnt all about hip-hop due to an essay which is due in four hours (7% of it is done)
I can tell you all about the characteristics of it, and what makes a good album, crew, MC etc.
However generally if you want to listen to easy but "rad rap" get into A Tribe Called Quest, the beats are delicious (although I'm sure you all already know and love them).

And that's all I have to say about that.

xxxxxx,
Frankie

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